Saudi Arabia: Panel of scientists admits women are mammals, yet “not human”

30 10 月, 2016

RAEL’S COMMENT:

The morning laugh

Riyadh | In an unprecedented ruling, a panel of Saudi scientists has concluded that women are actually mammals, granting them the same rights as other mammal species such as camels, dromedaries and even goats.

The verdict, which fell just hours before the International Women’s Day, is considered “historic” by some experts and advocacy groups for women’s rights.

“It may seem too little, too late, but it is truly a milestone event for all women in the region,” explains Jane Austin, visibly excited.

“From now on, women will be considered as members of the mammal class, whereas before women shared the legal status of an object, similar to that of a home appliance,” she admits.

“Soulless objects”
The recent verdict could completely upset all laws currently enforced in Saudi Arabia believes Jillian Birch, a spokeswoman at Amnesty International.

“This verdict shows the incredible progress the women’s rights movement has made in the past 50 years,” she admitted in a press conference this morning.

“Women are still far from being considered 100% human, but their condition will improve drastically with this decision,” she firmly believes.

An unprecedented verdict
The verdict, which fell like a ton of bricks on the Saudi state, has clearly not found unanimous support amongst religious authorities and the political elite, concede experts.

“It could create significant turmoil in the current legal state of affairs and the judiciary system of Saudi Arabia,” says political analyst specialized in the Middle East, Anthony Bochstein.

According to the expert panel that ruled on the matter, women are still devoid of a soul but have been shown to possess qualities common to the mammal species, which would explain their ability to procreate and breastfeed, as well as why they are equipped with seven cervical vertebrae, a characteristic unique to the mammal species.